by Yilin Liang:
Graphics by Lisa Wu
The treadmill and stationary bike were invented for people who were inconvenienced by urban life and poor weather. Now, for those who want to use the machines and get some attention around the neighborhood, there is the Treadmill Bike. It is composed of a treadmill attached to two wheels, which turn by the foot power of the runner.
The inventors of this ingenious product were obviously Nobel Prize-winning physicists who knew that the Treadmill Bike required twice the effort to travel half the distance, therefore burning twice as many calories. Despite the week-long cramps and severe panting that are consequences of using this product for more than 10 minutes, there are many benefits to using the Treadmill Bike. Rather than actually running outside, you can pay a lot of money to push rigorously against a hulk of rolling rubber and plastic. Because it is wheeled, the Treadmill Bike is classified as a vehicle, which means you get to sport a slimming helmet and, depending on personal style, thigh-hugging biking shorts!
In addition, for those who live in high-risk areas and are bored of outrunning the muggers who are chasing them, the Treadmill Bike is the ultimate getaway vehicle, reaching top speeds of five miles per hour. Clearly, there is no better way to perform outside cardiovascular activity than by jogging on a treadmill on wheels.