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Ditch the brotanks, sagging and athletic shoes

I am a firm believer in wearing what you want and expressing yourself. But sometimes it feels as though guys wear certain clothes not to express their personal style, but because they think wearing them will make girls find them more attractive. I’m here to clear up common misconceptions. And now, for the disclaimer: all girls are different, obviously, and this is just the opinion that I have formulated and heard expressed by other females. I’m not saying that guys should stop wearing the specific clothing items I’m about to list, or that no guy can pull off said items. This is not meant to be taken to heart, and if any of the soon to be mentioned statements offend you, I’m sorry. Kind of.

Bro tanks, or shirts that cut off at the shoulders and have long arm holes, are shirts most typically worn by surfers, frat guys and lacrosse players. Guys, wearing a bro tank does not automatically give you the appearance of bulging biceps. This clothing item in particular is extremely tricky, as it can look strange if worn in the wrong size. Bro tanks too large may quickly develop sack-like qualities, however, worn tight they may unflatteringly cling to the body. Also, bro tanks give off a very specific vibe. Although it is wrong to generalize, when I picture a guy in a bro tank, what comes to mind is a not-too-bright Neanderthal whose main points of conversation include beer, cars and Kate Upton. Bro tanks get old really fast, and even if you look incredible, girls won’t take you seriously if you wear them repeatedly.

Sagging is probably one of the most inexplicable phenomenons of male fashion. I have  a hard time seeing sagging as a form of self expression, so the only possible reason that guys do it so much is because they think it makes them look cool or attractive to girls. Let me clear this up once and for all: girls don’t want to see your bony backside and generic boxers. Sagging is probably insanely uncomfortable, and the waddle that accompanies this trend is one of the most preposterous things I’ve ever seen. Now, as with all trends, some people will miraculously manage to pull it off, and sagging is fine in moderation. But if the waistband of your jeans is at the level of your crotch, and if walking up the stairs is a legitimate struggle for you, it has gone too far.

Last but not least, a trend particularly popular at Gunn: wearing sneakers to school. I know these are probably not worn with the ladies in mind, but still. Much like sagging, I will never understand why boys choose to wear athletic shoes to school. Do you think you’ll have to engage in an impromptu basketball game in the middle of history or be forced to run a marathon during science class? And unless you’re one of the token freshmen that sprint to their next class as if their life depends on it, shoes designed with speed and lightness in mind are really not a necessity. Please invest in a generic, overpriced brand of skater shoes like the rest of us.

Once again, my sarcastic suggestions are not meant to be taken too seriously. If wearing Nikes to school makes you feel alive, so be it. Who am I to stand in the way of self expression?

 

—Kozakevich, a junior, is a reporter.

 

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