Freshman Natalie Chan: Living in a blended family with stepparents
After living with divorced parents for her entire life, freshman Natalie Chan remembers meeting her stepmom for the first time when she was 8 years old. Sitting in a Japanese restaurant with her dad, across from a stranger, she thought to herself, “Who is this lady?”. However, after a few conversations over their shared interest in pets, Chan opened up and welcomed her stepmom into the family.
At her dad’s house, Chan lives in a blended family with her biological father, her stepmom and her stepsister. Chan remembers the challenges of adapting to a larger household when her stepmom and stepsister first entered her life. Not only was the new parental figure being introduced to her a stranger, she also had a very different personality from Chan’s biological mom. While she has become comfortable with her stepmom, her relationship with her biological mom is still closer. “I think that’s just a product of her coming into my life later,” Chan said. “She doesn’t know me as well because she didn’t raise me.”
When her stepmom joined the family, Chan also became an older sister. Transitioning from being an only child to having a stepsister was a challenge, but it taught her about responsibility, maturity and adaptation. “I had learned to live independently my whole life, and then all of a sudden, I had someone else to take care of,” Chan said.
Though her relationship has grown closer with her stepfamily, Chan wishes that they could spend more time together. Due to her busy schedule in high school as well as only spending half of her time at her dad’s house, Chan is unable to foster the same relationship with her stepmom and stepsister that she has with her biological mom and dad. “There’s a lot of times when I’m too busy with schoolwork or homework, or our schedules just don’t line up, so we can’t spend enough time building the trust and the relationship,” Chan said.
Chan has learned to adapt and change the way she acts in her mom’s and dad’s houses to fit the different environments. Compared to living in a single-parent household, where she has to be more independent and figure problems out herself, she feels less pressured and more comfortable living with her stepmom and dad. “At my dad’s house, I feel like I have a group of people that I can lean back on,” she said. “I feel like I can make more mistakes, and sometimes I’m more comfortable because I don’t have to ask for help myself.”
The portrayals of blended families in the media that Chan sees often show a negative relationship between the stepparents and child or present the stepfamily as evil. Chan believes these stereotypes are inaccurate. “My stepmom is one of the nicest people I know because she’s one of the most patient,” she said.
Having a stepmom and stepsister are an interesting and important part of Chan’s life that has shaped her identity. Despite the challenges that have come from living in a blended family, Chan has adapted to her new household and doesn’t wish to be a part of a traditional family. “Sometimes things can get frustrating or challenging, but it’s not like I’m jealous of people who have their two biological parents together, because I’ve never experienced that,” she said.