Humor: Perfect excuses to ditch practice


1. School Work

Tell your coach that you have “a lot of homework” or a “huge test tomorrow.” This way, even if you plan on spending the evening in bed or watching Netflix (better yet, watching Netflix in bed!), it gives the image that you are a studious and hardworking student athlete who has academic interests in mind. There’s really no losing with this strategy, because people think you’re being productive regardless. Plus, you might actually get some work done.

2. Menstrual Cramps

This one is for athletes who get their periods. If your coach doesn’t bleed out their uterine lining every month, using a menstruation-related excuse is the easiest way to get them to do whatever you ask. People will do anything to avoid talking about periods, so the second you mention cramps or needing to change your tampon, you’re free. It’s also a good way to get away with being lazy; you can’t exactly do much when your “entire body is bleeding.” However, please keep in mind that this strategy loses about 100% of its effectiveness if you very clearly are not actually capable of getting your period.

3. Family Plans

Coaches should understand that family comes first, so telling them your grandparents are in town, for example, is a great way to get out of one specific practice. Maybe it was unannounced, and that’s why you couldn’t let your coach know in advance. Maybe you haven’t seen them in a long time, and they’re really hoping to spend time with you. Whatever you choose, your coach will see you as a dedicated and loving kid, and who doesn’t want someone like that on their team?

4. Find a Scapegoat

When in doubt, put the blame on someone else who won’t face the consequences, like your parents. Call your coach or text your teammates in advance that you don’t have a ride because your parents are out, your mom is dragging you to some last-minute event or you and your dad got a flat tire on the drive to practice. That way, the blame doesn’t fall to you, and who’s going to knock on your door to verify your excuse?