In the modern dating world, the question of whether men should pay on the first date remains unresolved. While gender roles have evolved, public opinion and surveys argue that men should pick up the check when feasible, not out of expected obligation, but to foster mutual respect and effort.

According to a study conducted by Cal State LA professor Janet Lever and her colleagues in 2015, people in the modern day still adhere to the gender expectation that men should pay and act dominant as the provider. The research found that most men (84%) reported that men should still pay more expenses. Furthermore, many men are compelled to resist when women pay, as the majority of men (76%) said they feel guilty when accepting women’s money.

The stereotype that mistakes a man paying for dates as an act of dominance distracts the pure emotional intent behind it. Most women offer to split the bill out of consideration, but a man’s willingness to pay represents a way of expressing themselves.

Dating expert Amy Nobile also supports men paying when they initiate dates. In an interview for CNBC, Nobile recommends that “men should pick up the bill on all of the dates before a couple becomes exclusive.” A 2016 survey by women’s lifestyle magazine Refinery29 showed that nearly 60% of women reported feeling appreciated when their date paid.

Critics argue that expecting men to pay reinforces traditional gender norms. However, a man’s gesture of choosing to pay should not be seen as an economically motivated choice but motivated by the courtesy it shows to their partner. More importantly, it allows for the time to build a balanced dynamic in the future. Instead of undermining equality, the gesture often initiates it.