Hovering, bulldozing or nagging? Take your parenting pick. Every student knows the anxiety of opening their to-do list and seeing the assignments pile up one after another. Imagine having a parent who organizes all of them for you, completes part of your assignment or constantly reminds you of all the tasks you need to finish. While it sounds great, this only harms students in the long run, as they will never learn how to manage their own tasks. Now, imagine having a parent who tries to help by finding you a tutor or teaching you how to manage your tasks. It’s apparent which style people would prefer.
Filled with sports practices, studying, extracurricular activities and more, the lives of high schoolers are packed. While some parents take a step back, allowing their kids to navigate these challenges on their own, others feel that it’s best to get heavily involved in their students’ lives. Some parents assume that it would be more beneficial to take charge and have their kids relax, but when the children inevitably move toward independence, they won’t succeed. For example, parents may start by doing simple tasks for their kids to make their lives easier, but eventually, they are roped into getting more and more involved, creating dependency in their child.
If the goal of all parenting styles is to raise independent adults, then the hardest and most essential lesson for parents is trusting their children to find their own way and giving aid only when students are stumped. Then, the discomfort of deadlines or low grades might be the greater power that teaches responsibility.
In 2019, a major college admissions offense, referred to as the Varsity Blues scandal, shook the world. Parents took helping their students to a criminal extreme, bribing admissions officers of prestigious universities to weasel their child in. This scandal popularized the term “snowplow parent,” used to describe a parent who removes obstacles out of their children’s way, with the
intentions that they will make their lives easier and reduce pressure. While this is an severe case of snowplow parenting, it shows how easy it is for well-intentioned parents to get carried away. Not only did these students miss an opportunity for hard work and integrity, they also paid for their parents’ actions.
According to a 2019 poll by The New York Times with parents of 18- to 28-year-olds, 76% of respondents said they remind their kids about deadlines and schoolwork, and 11% have helped them write an essay or other school assignment. This behavior encourages a pattern of micromanaging, extending to even after the student goes to college. By this stage in a student’s academic career, however, young adults should be managing their lives and workload mostly on their own.
This approach of constantly being at your child’s sidewill only hinder their ability to succeed when they start to live alone or get a job. Using parenting styles that enhance a child’s independence, which will inevitably be needed, will improve their lives overall. Whether it’s cooking, cleaning or doing basic chores, everyone needs to obtain these skills. How can someone be trusted to work and thrive in a work environment if their upbringing was one where parents did everything for them? The truth is, they can’t — not until they’re given the chance to take charge of their own lives.
Children develop life-long beliefs and habits from the environment they grow up in. Even though it is important for parents to help their kids learn basic social and emotional skills, too much involvement may hinder growth. A 2021 study by Stanford Professor of Education Jelena Obradovi? found that if parents are too involved in their children’s lives, specifically during their early years, they prevent behavioral development. In the experiment, young children were given tasks to do and problems to solve. Kids who had more overbearing parents had more issues controlling their behavior and emotions when faced with challenges.
Obradovi?’s key point is clear: parents must have a balance between helping their kids and allowing them to manage their own issues. In other words, guide them and show them the way, but don’t hold their hand.
When comparing the different parenting styles, having a healthy balance has been proven to be the most beneficial. There are four main types of parenting: Authoritarian, which enforces strict rules; Permissive, which offers support but lacks structure; Uninvolved, which provides neither guidance nor support; and Authoritative, the most balanced and effective approach. Parents who follow this parenting style raise kids with confidence, resilience, improved mental health and strong academic performance, according to the National Library of Medicine. An approach that prioritizes compassion and guidance will make a significant positive difference in how people turn out.
In high school, teens are going through the most pivotal years of their lives, and they have to learn how to navigate it themselves. No matter how well-intentioned, over-helping can hold students back in the long run. If they aren’t given the space to struggle and grow independently, they won’t be prepared for life beyond home. Even though it seems that helping kids in academics won’t harm them, if they have everything laid out for them, no matter if it’s academic or not, how will they learn to put it together on their own? If everything that they have done has been with the aid of a parent, they will be incapable of doing it on their own.
